You know you're a Taliban when

You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.